Monday, December 17, 2018

a news service

Dictionary entries are filed alphabetically: choose a letter to view entries.
The dictionary contains 611 entries.


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Valenti, Jack

The devil behind the U.S. Film industry. Jack Valenti ordered Brian Mulroney to attend a meeting with him near the end of negotiatory process of the Canada/U.S. Free Trade Agreement to explain just exactly why Canada needed an independent culture. During the meeting, Valenti supposedly slapped Mulroney around the room until the awed P.M. began to weep, after which Valenti dictated the wording of the alleged cultural exemption that has put Canada’s cultural industries, along with much of its media and communications into harms way in the guise of foreign corporations–or incountry corporations like CanWest Global and Chapters/Indigo that are almost worse. .

Valpy, Michael

Long-time Globe & Mail columnist and surprise downtown Toronto NDP candidate in the 2000 Federal election. Valpy is in reality a classic Trudeau Liberal who might have ended up heading the Federal NDP had its moronic economic policies and its catatonic leader not sandbagged him before he got off the ground. That his ideas are well to the left of current NDP thinking demonstrates just how far to the right Canadian politics has drifted—and that he appears to be headed for points increasingly New Age and, er, vapid in the aftermath of his political defeat is simply depressing.

Vancouver

Picturesque settlement of about 180,000 wealthy WASPs and recent Asian immigrant entrepreneurs, usually found carrying cellular phones and wanking on about being World Class. Greater Vancouver contains eleven separate climates not found elsewhere in Canada, all of which are characterized by thick moss cover, and the unshakable feeling that you’re trapped in an episode of the X Files. It also has the distinction of being a smaller city than it was 30 years ago. That’s because the city’s misinterpretation of the purpose of multiculturalism has resulted in it breaking down into a series of ethnic and preferential enclaves of 20,000 to 200,000 people, none of whom are interested in having anything to do with members of other enclaves except at the mall.

Vegetamera

AKA Patent #C-284565. Someone has invented a camera that fits inside a pill. You swallow it, and the camera sends a picture of your insides to (one assumes) a doctor who then makes you eat
tofu the rest of your life. No one seems to know what happens if the lens gets misty churning through the 47 Vachon cupcakes and three martinis swilling around the usual Canadian intestine, or if the CIA intercepts the transmission and decides the bright spots that light up with the rumbling sounds in your large intestine are urban terrorists. (Contributed by Simon Archer)

Victoria

The last functioning outpost of the British Empire. Famous for untreated sewage outfalls that make local beaches about as safe and pleasant for swimming as an unflushed toilet. Such problems are, somehow, undetectable during High Tea at the Empress Hotel or in the Provincial Parliament across the street.

Vimy Ridge

One of Canada’s genuine moments of national glory, and a long, long way from Somalia and Rwanda. Canada’s Minister of Defence under the Martin regim was unclear whether Canadians fought at Vimy or Vichy Ridge. Not clear whether the new Conservatives plan to renovate it or turn it into a base for the invasion of France.

Volpe, Joe

Powerhouse-du jour of the Toronto Liberal caucus and member of the self-described “spaghetti caucus” in Ottawa. He is perhaps best known for his unique hairstyle, which can best be described as looking like he stuck a fork – or a strand of spaghetti – into the nearest light
socket.