Vancouver

Picturesque settlement of about 180,000 wealthy WASPs and recent Asian immigrant entrepreneurs, usually found carrying cellular phones and wanking on about being World Class. Greater Vancouver contains eleven separate climates not found elsewhere in Canada, all of which are characterized by thick moss cover, and the unshakable feeling that you’re trapped in an episode of the X Files. It also has the distinction of being a smaller city than it was 30 years ago. That’s because the city’s misinterpretation of the purpose of multiculturalism has resulted in it breaking down into a series of ethnic and preferential enclaves of 20,000 to 200,000 people, none of whom are interested in having anything to do with members of other enclaves except at the mall.

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