Wednesday, March 20, 2019

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R.c.m.p. (mounties)

Originally guys in red suits organized to convince wild Indians that white people are friends of Santa Claus. Now chiefly found standing next to Royal Family members during state visits, dead asleep outside 24 Sussex Drive, tasering distraught immigrants before they get out of the airport, or driving around small towns without ever getting out of their cars unless there’s a native indian to beat up and leave in a snowbank, or a psychotic to push aboard onto an outgoing bus. The RCMP occasionally become the focus of government inquiries concerning the failure of the force to do anything since 1970 except export lots of CSIS agents from its ranks; burn innocent people’s barns and foul up major bribe investigations. During a recent round of budgetary belt tightening, the Federal Government sold the RCMP rights to Walt Disney.

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