Newfoundland

Nature park for chronic unemployment, folksingers and icebergs. This former British colony gave up its autonomy and its fish in 1949 for the promise that Canada would find a publisher for Joey Smallwood’s memoirs, provide dental care and climate improvement, and maybe transfer a few viable industries from Ontario. The Federal government dental hygiene programs have been almost as ineffective as the Navy has been in defending Newfoundland’s fishery; unemployment levels threaten to reach 75%; the fishery is closed; the only industry brought in involved imaginary oil rigs that drowned as many Newfoundland workers as it employed. The icebergs are now being studied along with island’s over-supply of comedians as a source of potential new exports, while the remaining Newfoundlanders go around threatening to start clubbing seals again, along with a few people in Ottawa and Quebec they suspect are responsible for destroying the fishery, stealing their hydro resources and otherwise screwing up life on the Rock.

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