Harper, Stephen

Founding member of the Reform Party, Head of National Citizen’s Coalition 1997-2002, Leader of the Canadian Alliance 2002-2004, Leader of the New Conservative Party since 2004, Current Prime Minister of Canada 2006-. More asthmatic than charismatic, Harper is a slightly agoraphobic product of the Calgary Syndrome ,which makes people in Alberta think the presence of oil in their backyard makes them more intelligent than people in other parts of the country, and the National Citizen’s Coalition, which does missionary work for the Fraser Institute, mandatory missionary-position sex and other moral postures that Oral Roberts preaches but doesn’t practice. In the total leadership vacuum created by Paul Martin’s civil war against anyone associated with Pierre Trudeau and his memory, and given the NDP’s ongoing inability to get interested in anyone who hasn’t lost an arm in an industrial accident, Harper will likely keep his job as Prime Minister unless he steps hard on his own tongue, sustains brain damage from falling over backward off his piano stool while signing Neil Diamond songs,  or is caught having sex with Anne Coulter.

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