Dion, Celine

The Carmen Miranda of Quebec music, and a role model for musical anorexics and others prone to depression and compulsive typing. No relation to either Whitney Houston or Edith Piaf, Dion represents Quebec’s cultural future after it leaves Canada. There was a moment, at the 1999 Juno Awards, where she showed us how empty the lives of megastar songbirds are, and how brutally they are wired to their perches. Does anybody out there understand why there was such rejoicing when her newborn son turned out to be physically normal? And why were so many groans audible when she announced that she’s planning to go get the other fertilized embroyo as soon as she can walk to the refrigerator?

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