Monday, December 17, 2018

a news service

Dictionary entries are filed alphabetically: choose a letter to view entries.
The dictionary contains 611 entries.


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Walker, Michael

Aggrieved White Guy and Fraser Institute majordomo whose economic and political views are gospel within the Canadian Alliance Party. Tends to froth at the mouth and write in megasyllabic Conrad Black/Matthew Arnold prose whenever his word is not equated with the word of God.

Walmart

The unofficial church of American merchandise coming to your community soon, if it hasn’t already. Wal-Mart is the truest reflection of our future in the global economy and NAFTA: American management, minimum-wage Canadian clerks, and products manufactured in Mexico.

Wappel, Tom

Scarborough-East Member of Parliament who recently told one of his constituents to screw off when the constituent asked for help after refusing to vote for him. Hard to say where Wappel learned his democratic practices given that he hadn’t yet been born in 1933, but somebody needs to point out to him that this is a constitutional democracy in which an elected politician represents all of his constituents, not just the ones who kiss his ass or give him money. The most frightening aspect of Wappel’s unenthusiastic apologies for his brainless behavior is that the Federal Liberals didn’t drop-kick him out of the party but rather treated the whole thing as a minor indiscretion that maybe had some justification.

Water

By 2010, fresh water will be Canada’s chief natural resource. Most of it will be shipped to the U.S. to slake the thirst of California’s lawns, or to other points in the U.S. south to flush and clean out the industrial machinery shipped from Ontario and the U.S. Northeast.

Wayne And Schuster

Leslie Neilsen brushing his teeth without a camera on him is funnier than the entire career of these two.

West Edmonton Mall

Disneyland North, or so they hoped. Bad enough that the last 16,000 Saskatchewan wheat farmers winter on the wavepool’s concrete beach like maggots on a breadboard while the wave machine drowns their children. This is the mall where you can get everything you never really wanted, and see nearly everything you never asked to see. If it weren’t sucking the cultural lifeblood out of Edmonton, its zoo, wave pool, NHL-size skating rink, indoor amusement park and the Fantasyland Hotel would be hilarious. Then you remember that this is what Ralph Klein and a majority of Albertans hope the future will be like.

Westmount

Montreal shopping district and English-language lifestyle zone. Designated a French language and politics-free shopping sanctuary by Mila Mulroney and co-members of the Montreal Shopping Team during the 1980s.

Wewaps

White ethnics with an attitude problem. They’re the country’s least recognized hope for a better-or at least more interesting-future.

White, Bob

Former Head of the Canadian Labour Congress, whether he’s holding the post of president or not. He led Canada’s auto workers out of the corrupt American United Auto Workers Union, and became the model for a series of similar Canadian union liberations. Avoided becoming leader of federal NDP by sheer force of character and settled for being the only over-35 trade unionist in Canada with a waist size below 36 inches.

Wiebe, Rudy

Alberta author, self-promoter, cultural appropriator. Not to draw conclusions from circumstantial evidence, but an astonishingly high percentage of Alberta residents are in favour of ending public support for the arts.

Winnipeg

Too hot in summer, too cold in winter, and too subject to spring floods to do much more than be envious of Minneapolis. Lorena McKennitt does well here, and so does the Guess Who, the Crash Test Dummies, and other things we’d like to forget. Winnipeg’s primary cultural amenities include the Golden Boy statue, Kaleki’s fries, and the banking temples that have turned the geographical centre of Canada at Portage and Main into a refrigerated setting for the next Dawn of the Dead remake.

Wise Use

American-inspired movement in resource harvesting that has moved into Canada. It tries to give the appearance that it is interested in mixed use and community participation in resource industry profit-taking, but it is really a multinational corporate front that promises resource workers that they will be able to keep their pickup trucks after the corporations have flattened the last forests and sucked out the last drop of oil.

Woodcock, George

UBC academic, friend of George Orwell, author of 64 books, who died in 1995. Woodcock was a cross between Harold Innis and Hammond Innes, but less interesting than either. Watch for a deluge of largely uncritical biographies to follow.

Working Class

Former “revolutionary” class now virtually extinct. Replaced during the 1980s by “ordinary working Canadians” who are now fast becoming as hard to find as members of the revolutionary working class and/or the proletariat.

World Class

Real estate buzzword to describe the inclusion to existing infrastructure of chronic high unemployment, urban transportation gridlock, derelict industrial sites, empty office buildings, rental inflation, high crime levels, food banks, and people living in cardboard boxes.

World Youth Day

World Youth Day: A papal love-in that showed the world that Catholicism has taken an evangelical and creepy turn for the worse, probably as a response to trying to survive Napoleon and the church’s innumerable sex scandals. His Holiness has no understanding of Western mating habits or he would have realized that putting tens of thousands of sex-deprived seventeen year olds together in an open field without condoms would lead to more immaculate conceptions than a Beijing Saturday night—and as low a percentage of orgasms. The sea of young, eager, and beatific faces seen on television must have reminded a few ex-Catholics why they left the faith in the first place. David Banerjee

Writers Union Of Canada

A not-quite-union of over-forty writers who desperately want to feel like professionals, more desperately want to curry favour with culturally aggressive minorities and indifferent governments, but have too few red blood cells to bring any of it off. So the members dream about having a writers’ dental plan, the Union bulks up with children’s writers, whines about government cuts, and degenerates into the Canadian Authors Association–yet another group of futile old men and fuddy-duddy ladies wearing shoes too sensible to have real imagination riding atop them.