Monday, December 17, 2018

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D’aquino, Tom

Longtime propaganda director for whatever it is the corporate sector’s lobbies wanted to have clouding the public view at any given moment. While he was directing the Small Business Alliance of Canada, he was trotted out at news conferences and business conventions to demonstrate that Canadian small businesses are against everything that is logically in their interest. Moved on to do  the same work for the Business Council on National Issues, (later changed to Canadian Council of Chief Executives) which was about as interested in the well-being of small businesses as Sylvester the Cat is in the welfare of mice. Now retired.

D’allaire, Romeo

Canadian Forces Lt.-Gen. who tried to stop the genocide in Rwanda and then proceeded home to have a truly articulate and edifying public near-nervous breakdown over his failure. D’Allaire took command of the United Nations Assistance Mission for Rwanda (UNAMIR) in July 1993, shortly after the genocide got underway and was the sole U.N. official in the entire—and still ongoing—mid-African nightmare that Philip Gourevitch’s remarkable book on Rwanda credits as having remained a morally competent member of the human species. The U.N. itself eventually admitted that D’Allaire “did not have the men he needed, they arrived late and without the right equipment.” Those who would like to hear what he had to say about it can find it as A98-0291 in Canada’s Access To Information (ATI) archives. D’Allaire retired from the Canadian Forces and is currently NOT following in the footsteps of Gen. Lewis MacKenzie. See [Generals, Retired]

Davies, Robertson

Faux-British Canadian novelist, now deceased. Why did a man born and raised in Canada, who spent less than four years at Oxford, speak like a Bloomsbury fop a half-century later? And how was it that no one ever teased him for it? Professor Davies led an unreasonably fortunate life, one that had so debilitating an effect on his common sense that he eventually grew confused over the differences between sneezes and orgasms, and went to his grave believing that a man can have an adequate view of the world from the hallways of the English Department.

Davis Inlet

If what goes on with the aboriginal communities up there isn’t cultural genocide, there is no such thing. The dark edge of the Global Village is visible at Davis Inlet for anyone who really wants to see it for what it is.

Day, Stockwell

Former Alberta Treasurer, fumbler, bungler, one-man Three Stooges for the Canadian Alliance Party and now Foreign Affairs critic for the federal Conservative party. His sole virtue is that he doesn’t, unlike Preston Manning, sound like a turkey scratching in straw when he talks. The Day stewardship of the political right in Canada was an unrelenting comedy of errors: initially naming the part the Canadian Reform Alliance Party, (or CRAP); a homophobic inner circle that alienated the large and brainy queer segment of Ontario’s Provincial Conservatives; Day’s hilarious factual mistakes and/or misstatements (Ontario’s Niagara river running south, the referendum goof up, implying that the Flintstones were historically accurate, his oft-stated belief that dinosaurs roamed the earth in 4000 BCE,  etc). That, coupled with his less-than-stellar but definitely eager performance during the 2000 federal election campaign left the movement so lost in the wilderness that poor old semi-senile Joe Clark nearly blew it down. He went on to hold a series of cabinet posts in Harper’s governments. Now retired, to Stephen Harper’s considerable relief.

De Kerckhove, Derek,

Superminded techno-enthusiast, gabber, corporate rah-rah machine, tenth-rate Marshall McLuhan, SuperMind. He’d like to believe he’s Canada’s answer to MIT Media Lab’s Nicolas Negroponte, with whom he shares the thrill of never having met a question without a shallow answer. see, [SUPERMINDS]

Deepak Chopra

More than one “shocked and appalled” loyal reader of the Globe and Mail glanced at the front page headline of the Dec. 18, 2013 edition of Canada’s Newspaper of Record and reasonably assumed that the paper had been hacked and commandeered by its satirical rival, The Onion

Canada Post CEO defends delivery cuts, says seniors will get more exercise,” trumpeted the Globe’s lead story of the day. It was all part of the sneaky lost-in-the-Christmas-rush announcement by the Stephen Harper government that postal service in the True North is over. Well, not officially over, since there will still be some postal delivery to shopping mall community mailbox centres, the elimination of thousands of post office jobs, and, as always with such announcements of reform and improvement, a major hike in stamp prices.

Now the CEO of Canada Post was being rollled out in front of a parliamentary committee to offer some rationale for making millions of Canadians strap on their snowshoes and hike vast distances to pick up an envelope containing their Hydro bill.

In the deadpan prose of the Globe (or maybe The Onion), the paper reported, “Canada Post’s top executive says ending home delivery and shifting millions of Canadians to community mail boxes offers at least one upside – more exercise for seniors.

Deepak Chopra, CEO, Canada Post.

Deepak Chopra, CEO, Canada Post.

 

Deepak Chopra, guru.

Deepak Chopra, guru.

“Making his first public appearance since the post office announced a controversial plan to stem mounting losses, Canada Post chief executive Deepak Chopra cast the austerity moves as a careful balance… ‘The seniors are telling me, I want to be healthy, I want to be active in my life,’ Mr. Chopra tolds MPs. ‘They want to be living fuller lives.’”

Wait a minute. Deepak Chopra? Did you know Deepak Chopra was the CEO of Canada Post?! Neither did we.

Ok, not Deepak Chopra, the famous guru who teaches people (for a small fee) how to achieve happiness and conquer death in a universe chock-full of pulsating omni-consciousness. No, our Deepak Chopra is the former CEO of various branches of Pitney-Bowes, the office business machine company who has now risen to the $450,000 per annum post of Chief Postie.

Our Deepak Chopra is the one who thinks layabout seniors need to avail themselves of more exercise. Let them eat snow!, declares the postal guru. Ah, whatever happened to those bygone days when the proletarian Union of Postal Workers delivered brilliant ex tempore Trotskyist analyses of the fall of capitalism even as it heroically trudged through the slush to deliver those Xmas greetings from Aunt Minnie in Moose Jaw?  

Democracy, Two Cheers for…

[Courtesy of CBC:]

NDP Leader John Horgan to be next premier of British Columbia

Lt.-Gov. Judith Guichon asked Horgan to form a government after Christy Clark lost a confidence vote

By Justin McElroy, CBC News Posted: Jun 29, 2017 8:17 PM PT Last Updated: Jun 29, 2017 10:19 PM PT

NDP Leader John Horgan will become premier of British Columbia and have the opportunity to test the confidence of the House.

John Horgan.

Horgan made the announcement to reporters at Government House on Thursday evening, following a dramatic series of events sparked by a vote of non-confidence in the B.C. Liberal government hours earlier.

“I look forward to working harder than I’ve ever worked before to make sure this great province continues to grow, and that the prosperity that we all want to see for ourselves, we can make sure we can share that prosperity with others,” said Horgan to a group of reporters and supporters who had gathered at the residence of B.C. Lt.-Gov. Judith Guichon

​He said he wanted to put a cabinet and government structure in place as quickly as possible “so we can get moving on the issues that matter to people.”

In a statement, Guichon said she had met with Premier Christy Clark and accepted her resignation.

“I have asked Mr. Horgan to form a government, he having assured me that he can form a government which will have the confidence of the Legislative Assembly.”

Horgan, who will become the 36th Premier of B.C., will be sworn in at a time yet to be determined, though it is expected to happen quickly.

Clark spoke with Guichon for 90 minutes

It means the end of the tenure for the B.C. Liberal leader, who has been premier of B.C. since 2011, and the end of 16 years of B.C. Liberal rule.

Clark met with Guichon for about 90 minutes immediately after her government lost the confidence vote by a 44-42 margin, but left without a decision from Guichon, and without revealing to reporters what had been said.

“I did ask the Lt.-Gov. for dissolution of the house,” said Clark later, after Guichon issued her statement and Horgan made his speech.

“She didn’t grant that request. She chose another path.”

About 15 minutes after Clark left Government House, Horgan arrived at Government House.

Twenty minutes after that, Horgan announced he would be the next premier.

NDP minority, with Green support

“It’s been a long day and it has been a long time coming,” said Green Party Leader Andrew Weaver following the announcement.

“I’m convinced that it is in the interests of the B.C. NDP and our interests to make sure that this works”

The NDP and Green Party have 44 MLAs — the minimum number for a majority — and they all voted in favour of the non-confidence motion and pledged to support Horgan as premier.

Clark had argued in recent days the legislature was “not a functional place” in its current configuration. She said an NDP government would be paralyzed because of the expected need for one of its own MLAs to serve as Speaker, thus creating continued 43-43 vote ties.

It was an argument Guichon ultimately decided to reject.

Guichon will not be making any further comment on her decision beyond her statement.

The provincial election on May 9 ended with the Liberals electing 43 MLAs, the NDP 41 and the Greens three, setting up the last seven weeks of political battles.

All of which came to an end Thursday night, a smiling Horgan departing Government House, flocked by supporters, and ready to become leader of British Columbia.

“It’s been 16 years since there’s been a transition in government,” said Horgan.

“We have much work to do. We’ll have access to government documents tomorrow … we want to swear in a government in the next few days, and get back to work.”

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CBC British Columbia 

✔@cbcnewsbc

 

5:29 AM – 30 Jun 2017

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Democratic Representative Caucus

The group of twelve Canadian Alliance MPs who found Stockwell Day extra loathesome, and thus formed a new political party. I guess Canadians ought to be grateful they didn’t name themselves The Caucus of Twelve Apostles, but since we’re reliably informed that Stockwell Day’s first choice for naming the Canadian Alliance was “MPs for Jesus”, our suspicion is that they didn’t want the association.

Deroo, Remi

Retired Roman Catholic Bishop of Victoria and ecclesiastic trouble-maker. He was the only Roman Catholic clergyman north of the Mexican border who seems to recognize that the mission of corporate capitalism is universal Mexico. Now being pursued, in his retirement dotage, for having recognized that there’s a gap between theory and practice so vast that 99 percent of human reality (and realty) resides inside in cheerful obliviousness.

Dhalla, Ruby

Former “Bollywood” star and Member of Parliament for Brampton-Springdale. She was appointed as the Liberal candidate over the one chosen by the constituency’s riding association, Andrew Kania, largely because she has ingested larger volumes of the Team Martin Kool-Aid, and went on to have a political career distinguished by, um, being taken to court by several of the nannies she hired to take care of her family.  On the positive side, she gave aging Liberal caucus members something better to look at than Claudette Bradshaw and Hedy Fry until they were all defeated together in the 2011 election.

Diefenbaker, John

Loose-jowelled Conservative Canadian Prime Minister 1957-63 who dismantled Canadian government R&D capacity and transformed previously independent Canadian foreign policy to the mewling, puking synchophancy to U.S. foreign policy we know today.

Dion, Celine

The Carmen Miranda of Quebec music, and a role model for musical anorexics and others prone to depression and compulsive typing. No relation to either Whitney Houston or Edith Piaf, Dion represents Quebec’s cultural future after it leaves Canada. There was a moment, at the 1999 Juno Awards, where she showed us how empty the lives of megastar songbirds are, and how brutally they are wired to their perches. Does anybody out there understand why there was such rejoicing when her newborn son turned out to be physically normal? And why were so many groans audible when she announced that she’s planning to go get the other fertilized embroyo as soon as she can walk to the refrigerator?

Distinct Societies

Semantic maneuvre by the Mulroney-era Federal government designed to legitimize Quebec separatist need to suppress foreign languages, build hydroelectric megaprojects, and be exploited by France and the United States rather than Canada. Every other political entity in Canada, including the Boy Scouts, has subsequently demanded the same right. In fact, our constitution, our education system and our mothers have been guaranteeing this for fifty years. Wouldn’t it be more constructive if we were asking to be “unusual”, “attractive,” “reasonable” or–dare we ask this?–“functional” societies? So here’s the solution: Quebec is a francophone society.

Diversity

TRUMP AND DIVERSITY:……………….Notice anything in these pics? Number of men: all. Number of women: 0. Number of whites: all. Number of non-white gentlemen: 0. Number of transgendered non-white non-male non-hetero nonentities? You figure it out. Getting the picture?

Image may contain: 6 people, people sitting, suit and indoor
Image may contain: 4 people, people sitting, suit and indoor
Image may contain: 6 people, suit
Image may contain: 3 people, people sitting, suit and indoor
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Update: Swedish Deputy PM Isabella Lovin spoofs Trump gang as she signs new climate control measure on behalf of Swedish govt.

Image may contain: 8 people, people standing, people sitting and indoor

Divisibility

A popular practice in the former Yugoslavia, it has been introduced into Canadian politics. Lucien Bouchard announced that Canada is divisible, Chretien retaliated by saying that Quebec is devisable, too-and so on down into the sewers of opportunism with Preston Manning and so on. Divisibility means denying one’s own metaphorical ox can be gored while jamming one’s horn deep into the adjacent ox. In the real world, fools can divide anything.

Dix, Adrian

Come back in three or four years, and we’ll give you a less fuzzy definition of Adrian Dix. You see, the B.C. NDP leader and MLA for Vancouver-Kingsway is a politician running for office, and politicians running for office are, by definition, chameleons: as in the old Culture Club / Boy George song, “Karma karma, karma, karma, karma chameleon.” As the song says about life on the campaign trail, “Every day is like survival… / I’m a man without conviction / I’m a man who doesn’t know / How to sell a contradiction / You come and go. / You come and go.”

Well, there are a few facts. The 49-year-old Dix was born in Vancouver on April 20, 1964. Father an Irish immigrant insurance broker in Vancouver. Dix served as Chief of Staff for former NDP Premier Glen Clark, 1996-99, then took a bullet for the party when Clark got in trouble; Dix fibbed for the boss, and was dumped. Clark eventually went on to work for B.C. billionaire businessman Jimmy Pattison; Dix wandered in the French-speaking woods, worked for a B.C. French-immersion NGO, then did the standard media pundit gig until he was elected to the legislature in 2005. Married to poet Renee Saklikar. Adrian Dix 02

Beyond that, he looks like your friendly neighbourhood accountant. Has diabetes. Seems nice; not easily flappable (so far). Polite. Running against Liberal B.C. Premier Christy Clark in the May 2013 provincial election, polls put premier-in-waiting Dix 15-20 points ahead as campaign got underway. Ah, Christy, we hardly knew ye, after two troubled years in office, sighed the pundits. Voters weary of Libs (or whatever they actually are, some sort of Tory-Social Credit-anybodybutNDP hybrid) after more than a decade in office (mostly under former Premier Gordon Campbell), said the pollsters. Dix is a moderate: no spectacular policies, but an upholder of “social democratic values.”

P.S. Pollsters, pundits and prophets turned out to be wrong. Premier Christy Clark’s Liberal government was handily re-elected with a 50-33 seat majority in the May 2013 provincial contest. Definitions of Adrian Dix likely to remain fuzzy in the history books.

Dna Evidence

Relatively recent scientific procedure to determine who the guilty criminal isn’t, as with Guy Paul Morin, who was wrongly convicted of murdering Christine Jessop a decade ago, and David Milgaard, who spent 23 years behind bars for a rape and murder for which the police were too lazy to track down the real pertretrator. DNA evidence is quite reliable in determining that some criminals are convicted simply because the authorities don’t like their intransigence in the face of threats and accusations. The negative side-effect of DNA-evidence usage is the proliferation of bad television docudramas.

The Dollar

About 75 cents when things are going really well. The goal of NAFTA is to make the Canadian dollar indistinguishable from the Mexican peso.

Domed Stadiums

Smarting under allegations that it is colder in Canada than in the U.S. and that Canadian cities would not be able to get and keep major sports franchises without an indoor stadium, planning geniuses across the country have built three domed stadiums without gaining a single sports franchise. On the positive side, the Domes give Canadians at least three locations where they can attend monster tractor pulls in the middle of winter, and offer suitably unhealthy but year-round environments for outdoor evangelical revivals, religious conventions, and airborne fungi of a wide and toxic variety

Domi, Tie

Toronto Maple Leaf designated goon role model, locker-room spokesperson and poster-boy for socially-sanctioned goofy behavior. There was apparently a longtime fad in Vancouver amongst the young and testosterone-crazed that involved shouting out “Tie Domi!!!” just before body-checking elderly persons off the sidewalks. Domi’s popularity in Toronto was partially accountable to the fact that the Italian community think he’s one of them. He’s actually an Albanian, an ethnicity that Mozart had strong opinions about, and he’s a fairly decent television actor. Also has a brother who sells computers to big, stupid,  cities.

Drabinsky, Garth

Self-destructive ego mania, bad hair, slick-looking rats fighting in sewers–and then shwoooooshhh, he was gone, convicted of criminal fraud. A lot of sensible people hoped that those horrible local & serious culture-stiffling musicals he created were going to disappear with him, but no such luck, eh?  What has replaced Livent productions, such as the  musical based on the music of ABBA and its semi-live members, bathes the Drabinsky era in a golden light.

Dragons

 

The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation’s way of shamelessly pressing it’s lips to the hindquarters of the Zeitgeist, where cutthroat business dorks are the culture heroes the mass media offers up for envy and emulation. CBC television’s Dragon’s Den is a Japanese-born format now running in 18 countries. The Canadian version features super-aggressive meathead Kevin O’Leary as the beast, Arlene Dickinson as the motherly capitalist, and a changing cast of fungible successful dorks to mouth the in-between slogans, the least objectionable of which was Brett Wilson, who actually went out of his way to help some of the struggling business people who went on the show looking for help and capital.

 

So nobody misses what all this is about, the CBC has cut all its arts coverage from its mainframe network, and has replaced it with a tidal wave of Harper-friendly glorifications of corporate business and entrepreneurial aggression in what will likely prove a futile attempt the massive cuts to its budget Harper has been waiting for a majority government to perpetrate. Since the CBC is now barely distinguishable from the privately owned television and radio networks in the country, few of its natural supporters are now going to work very hard to prevent the axe from following. What were they thinking???

Duceppe, Gilles

Began as Inspector Clousseau-style successor to Lucien Bouchard as Federal Bloc Quebecois leader, citing Mexico as an illustration of how business can continue despite internal trouble, and seemed destined to be the first in line to offer Carlos Salinas political asylum when and if the other shoe dropped. But Duceppe grew into his job, and during the 2004 federal election debate, he came off as the only leader English Canadians trusted. Even though he continued to want to run a foreign country, Duceppe remained a favourite of English Canadians until Quebec tired of him and elected a horde of drunken Cartleton University graduate students as NDP MPs in 2011.   Ah well.

Duffy, Mike

Aggrieved white guy, Gourmet newsperson and political contortionist. Despite being 5000 donuts over the limit, Duffy was able to fit comfortably into the breast pockets of three successive Prime Ministers and anyone else willing to slash a budget or enhance corporate powers. Duffy believes that the media is a left-wing conspiracy, which may indicate that it’s time to ship him out of Ottawa for a reality check even if it requires a special rail car. The amazingly short time Duffy was removed from the airwaves after reminding Margaret Trudeau, at her exhusband’s funeral, that it was the anniversary of her son Michel’s death, is a testimony to how hard up the Canadian media was for news-readers, or a tribute to the top brass at CTV’s fear of being sat on. Now a Conservative appointee to the senate, god help us.

Duffy, Mike; Trial

We promised ourselves that we would not allow ourselves to be distracted by the trial of Canadian Senator Mike Duffy, charged with one count each of fraud and breach of trust related to his residency expenses; nine counts of fraud and nine counts of breach of trust for expenses unrelated to Senate business; four counts of fraud and four counts of breach of trust related to the awarding of consulting contracts; and one count each of bribery, frauds on the government and breach of trust related to the $90,000 payment Duffy received from former Prime Minister’s Office official Nigel Wright. Yes, that’s 31 charges, if you’ve been counting, more than the total number of your fingers, toes, ears, eyes, nose, and whatever other appendages you may happen to have.

Mike Duffy.

Mike Duffy.

We also vowed not to make any jokes about obesity or Prince Edward Island, the province now-suspended Senator Duffy allegedly represented. No, let’s not touch this with a ten-foot/three-meter pole, whichever is longer, we solemnly said.

But wouldn’t you know it? There it was, right up there in the headline of the Toronto Globe and Mail newspaper, April 10, 2015:

Crown invokes Justin Bieber in Mike Duffy trial

Daniel Leblanc’s riveting story begins, “The Crown has invoked a Canadian pop sensation as part of its argument that Mike Duffy was not a resident of Prince Edward Island when he became a senator in 2008.

Mike Duffy.

Mike Duffy.

“The Crown is alleging that Mr. Duffy was an Ottawa resident and did not meet the qualifications to represent PEI when he was appointed to the Senate by Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Crown attorney Mark Holmes said that just because Mr. Duffy had to be a PEI resident to become a senator, doesn’t prove that he was a resident when he was appointed.

“Mr. Holmes compared the residency rule to the requirement that all senators be 30 years old, arguing that someone under that age wouldn’t instantly become 30 upon being summoned to the Red Chamber.

““Bear with me,” Mr. Holmes asked his witness, recently retired Senate law clerk Mark Audcent. “Do you know who Justin Bieber is?””

We are not making this G&M story up. We are not The Onion. We are dooneyscafe.com, a reputable news service and dictionary. Yes, a Canadian government official asked a former Canadian government official in a Canadian courtroom, “Do you know who Justin Bieber is?” As if any loyal Canadian didn’t know who Justin Bieber is. What a slur! What a slander! And we say this not just because Mr. Bieber is a possible member of the dooneyscafe.com staff, possibly writing under the pseudonym of “Sidney Australia.”

The Globe continues:

“Mr. Audcent acknowledged being aware of the Canadian singer, who is 21, according to Mr. Holmes.

“If the Governor-General, acting on the advice of the Prime Minister, appointed Justin Bieber to the Senate tomorrow, would he become 30?” asked Mr. Holmes.

“Of course not,” Mr. Audcent answered.

“Judge Charles Vaillancourt certainly got the point, but asked Mr. Holmes to “keep on topic.””

Justin Bieber, Stephen Harper.

Justin Bieber, Stephen Harper.

Well, there you have it. Case closed! Sure, the trial will go on for an endless number of weeks, months and years, but the crux of the case is settled: Justin Bieber would not, we repeat, not become 30 if Stephen Harper appointed Justin a senator (just as Mike Duffy would not become a resident of PEI if he was not a resident of PEI just because Stephen Harper appointed Duffy a senator from PEI). Got that?!

On behalf of Mr. Bieber, Dooney’s Dictionary is authorized to announce that: Justin Bieber has not in the past and is not in the present seeking to become 30, even if Stephen Harper appoints him to be a Senator. Further, Justin Bieber has not sought and is not now seeking to become a Canadian Senator, and if appointed by Stephen Harper to the Senate, Mr. Bieber will politely decline, apologise for everything, and go piss in a bucket.

Justin Bieber.

Justin Bieber.

Dumont, Mario

Youth leader during the 1995 Quebec referendum, and recurrent and apparently ageless flash-in-pan in Quebec right-wing political circles. What are the most important questions to ask people like Dumont? How about: Have you ever had a homosexual experience? And if not, why the hell not?